God

An unknown author writes about God in an article titled, "God Freaks Self Out By Lying Awake Contemplating Own Immortality" published on January 31, 2013 in the Onion, a humorous, so-called news source. The author writes about God's sleepless night, in which he tossed and turned in bed and contemplates how much longer he is going to live. According to the author's "sources" God was pacing through the heavens questioning his own significance. “This is worse than a prison sentence,” the Lord said. “At least prisoners can escape, die, or be released. But I’ve been stuck here doing the same thing for 14 billion years, and in another 14 billion, I’ll still be here. I create things, I destroy them. I’m omnipotent—how insane is that? I am He Who Commanded Light to Shine Out of Darkness, but eventually everything I create disappears. And I have to sit around and watch it all die”(the Onion). God's anxiety does not allow him to sleep all throughout the night. According to the author, God is just exhausted from being so powerful and no longer wants to be so omniscient. Sources say that when God finally fell asleep and woke up the next morning he decided to create an immortal dog or cat to keep him company forever. This article is funny because the author is satirizing God's existence, however at the same time it is quite disrespectful to all those who truly believe in God.